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DAY 2: staking the claim (in a very temporary, temporal, non-commital-beyond-the-next-three-months sort of way)

February 11, 2014

lisa hammershaimb

So remember that Assignment 1 that I’ve been on and off agonizing about for oh…the past month? Yeah, it’s due no later than February 23. Today is February 11 (or almost February 12). Doing that math…the 23 is like only 11 days away from tomorrow. 11 days. EEK….

I’ve muddled and dawdled and procrastinated in the name of the research process long enough that I think it’s become time to face the harsh reality, namely that I’ve reached the point of diminishing returns regarding this whole dithering research question. This is a class. This isn’t the rest of my life. This is an assignment. This isn’t a marriage of deep + binding professional importance that will go on to define me far into the future. And perhaps most of all…I have what I need to be successful at this moment. Me expecting myself to produce fully actualized, professional, world-changing academic prose is just going to result in me being paralyzed and nothing will come of that. Rather, me just beginning and taking one little step and then another and another and another and at some point a conclusion might be faltering and might be amateur, but it will be actual words on pages and ideas in pages and honestly…the faulty realized project that is shared is always better than the perfect vision that lives nowhere and touches no one save the small mind that has conceived it.

Returning to the Olympic metaphors that seem to permeate these days, it’s like I’m at the top of the ski jump and I’m holding so so so tight to the bench that feels safe. And yet it’s not time to sit anymore and it’s not time to hold tight…it’s time to let go and trust myself. I may fall and I may scream like a maniac and any one of a number of untold tragedies may happen but equally…I may fly and it might be beautiful and it might be peaceful and it might be better than I ever could have imagined. So, with open hands…it is indeed time to begin this ever vulnerable, ever trying, yet ever satisfying task of writing.

3….2…..1……….

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