March 1, 2018
Convocation Countdown: 61 days
According to the Lisa Timeline, March 1 was going to be a fortuitous date, roughly one month until my final oral dissertation defense. In keeping with what I did last year in my daily posts tracking #countdowntocandidacy I had stealth plans to do the same thing with a #countdowntoconvocation blog run.
As I’ve already established the Lisa Timeline is proving more fantasy than reality as there’s now not even a human to fill a date on the calendar. My first thinking in this was to cancel the countdown, wallow in my own disappointment, and basically become bitter and cynical about establishments in general and academia in particular. When things legit don’t go your way, it’s easy to let disappointment spiral into anger and then increasingly into destructive hate that has no room for empathy. I am far from being in a destructive place but I’ve also been around enough to know that ignoring or stuffing negative feelings rarely leads to a positive life outcome for anyone involved.
In an act of what I’m calling self care and resistance, I’m firing up the #countdowntoconvocation blog run and seeing what happens. In my wildest dreams the perfect external will stumble across this blog, contact the Faculty of Graduate studies immediately and say he’s ready to read my dissertation and available in two weeks for the formal defense. He will also be tall, handsome, single, financially stable, and have an affinity for small dogs, fancy cocktails, and large bodies of water. If that doesn’t happen…I’m hopeful this exercise will help me trend more toward a positive perspective and give me some experiential practice into the continuing-to-evolve theory that the actual research and fancy words part of doctoral studies are really just the tip of the iceberg to the personal transformative learning that could occur along the journey if you’re open. I used to think this was such a romantic idea…at the moment I deeply dislike this theory because it feels so true.
And now…ever onwards.