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countdown to convocation: day 2

March 2, 2018

lisa hammershaimb

March 2.
Convocation Countdown: 60 days
External Update: Waiting to hear back from first two potentials

Yesterday I received news that the first two (of the basically 15+) names I’d submitted as potential externals had been contacted. My liaison with the faculty of grad studies (who for the record deserves an sharp increase in pay because being the messenger always means you take the full brunt of all the messy reactions) said she is confident we will hear back today. Confident is a word that’s gone missing in my own vocabulary but I’m trying. I’ve been wrong about so many things in the recent past…I wouldn’t mind the trend to continue.

My supervisor told me “If we get even one less roadblock a day, we are winning” and of course included a smiley face emoji. I have since added this to a running list of his quaint motivational phrases.

One thing I am coming to re-learn in this unanticipated season of trauma is how many amazing people I have in my life supporting me and ready to show up. This is a blessing I too often forget when things are going good enough that I can convince myself I am self sufficient and maybe even omnipotent. When I got the news on Tuesday that the person who I’d spent the last couple weeks banking on being my external was rejected, I went into power network contacting mode telling everyone I could think of what had happened, if they knew anyone who might be a good fit, and generally saying, “Help!!”

The response was astounding. Within 24 hours I had many names of people around the world who might be a good fit and who just might be available. And along with names, I had words reminding me that I could get through this, I would survive, I wasn’t alone and please keep updating on what happens next. When everything hurts I almost can’t help but get myopic and turn inward to try and hold the pieces together. Reaching out and finding other humans doesn’t inherently change my situation but it does change my perspective. To remix what the sage supervisor says…perhaps this is winning for today. If you’re reading this and you’re one of those people…thank you so so so much. Pretty sure we can indeed do hard things, together.

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