April 5, 2018
Convocation Countdown: 27 days
Presentation Countdown: 2 days
Tonight I passed the “present to the cohort” milestone. Though I legit want to impress my formal committee because they are the ones who will officially pass me on this journey, in many ways presenting to the cohort felt slightly more intimidating for me. This wasn’t because the cohort is intimidating, because they’re family now for me but because, like family, I both totally know I’m loved for just who I am in all my quirkiness and with all my issues yet still always want to do everything I can to make them proud because they do know (and put up with) my aforementioned quirkiness and issues.
Tonight along with some a couple hard questions and some good diversionary strategy for answering hard questions…I did indeed get their blessing. They told me they are impressed and know that I will make it through…they told me they will all send positive vibes and they told me they are so, so proud of me.
Whatever happens two days from now tonight I am reminded once more how profoundly thankful I am for all the people who have come into my life as a result of this process. The cohort is for sure the center but the lines of connection radiate out in so many beautifully unexpected patterns that Lisa of five years ago could never comprehend or hope might exist. I kind of wish that instead of a defense, I could spend two hours talking about everyone I’ve met during this process…bring them in via webcam, name them, and thank them for how they’ve impacted and changed me for the better. My world is so much larger for this process and though it sounds super cheesey…my heart too has grown exponentially as I’ve learned to be brave and open myself a bit more to others. I know this sort of defense would be totally self centered and probably a total snooze fest to attend for others (and clearly…lacking in APA!) but still…I think some alt version of it may need to happen in the next little bit.
Also, I think I may be entering into the tearful-in-a-good-way phase of things. Though I still default to disliking feeling all feelings…I’ve learned enough in this process to welcome this new phase with more or less open arms and also lots of Kleenex.
Two. More. Days.