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Posts from the ‘candidacy countdown’ Category

day 11 (of 20)

April 12, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

Products:

  • it. is. finished. (well…the first draft of the slides and the script, sadly not the whole shebang of the presentation itself but…baby steps.) You can view both parts in glorious black and white (and tangerine) here: Hammershaimb_SlidesandScript

Process:

  • Lots more sitting and telling myself I could not do other things until I finished for real, for real this stuff.
  • Reading through of the script with the slides to identify where holes might be or just when I seem to sit on a slide long enough to feel like one begins to glaze over in attention. I’m now at 41 slides in about 17 minutes of talking. This might be too blistering of a click pace but I think it’s okay as 80% of the slides are just pictures.

Perspective:
I’m feeling what almost might be a slight hint of excitement at this whole process as I am actually actually seeing the different parts come together. This might be because I’m also getting increasingly sleep deprived and suffering from a general lack of mental shut off time but either way…I think it’s a positive turn.

Tomorrow:
Practice. Practice. Practice.

day 10 (of 20)

April 11, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

Products:

Process:
Today was a long long day where once more presentation working was relegated to after hours. This makes for a tiring process but I’m hopeful the tired factor means I’m more creative + mellow.

Perspective:
Just about ten days to go. Yikes. I was hoping to be completely finished with the slides and onto memorization but alas yet again time and focus got the better of me. I think tomorrow will be the day for it all…maybe.

 

day 9 (of 20)

April 10, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

Products:

We have slides! (Well….version 1.0 that is yet to be complete but WAY better than nothing.) You can see them here:

Hammershaimb_IntroProposal_Presentation

Process:
It was a travel day which means process was late night after dark trying not to click too loudly to wake up my sleeping compatriots. I think the looming deadline is helping me move from wide open exploration to make-it-work mode.

Perspective:
Almost at the 10-days-to-go mark. Wow. I wish I was further along and already drilling on the speaking words part but I also think that my process has been very good so…I’m trusting that as I’ve done my part, hopefully the rest will fall into place.

day 8 (of 20)

April 9, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

Products:

  • Begin slide making in earnest (related: remember again what a nightmare it is as a designer to begin slide making)

Process:
The day off yesterday was amazing. I remembered how to not just be a mind that endlessly things things but to be a fully embodied human who has (dare I say it?) embodied cognition regarding just how to ski. It was fun and fabulous and so what I needed. Process today is trying to get back into things but secretly longing to be back to the freedom of snow, sun, and an empty head.

Perspective:
All of the above. Two weeks from today I will know either way the outcome of this madness. After yesterday…I honestly think I will be fine either way.

Tomorrow:
Slide making….all. day. long.

day 6 (of 20)

April 7, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

presentation_opener

Products:

  • Completed script 2.0 (after realizing script 1.0 was way way long). Though I will not say this is the final…I think at just over seventeen minutes in length this is well on the way to being the final. (Also, seventeen minutes of super syllabic words basically feels like an eternity.) You can read the new script here: Proposal_Outline_030617
  • Began work on layout ideas + iterations (see image above)

Process:
Today was all about sitting in the sun and writing. The good news is it was quite productive. The bad news is I have hands and wrists that look roughly like a lobster because apparently when one is in high country sun all day, sunscreen is the new hand lotion. Good. To. Know. Ironically the rest of me is fine. I know a “farmer tan” is a thing but I’m beginning to wonder if there is such a thing as a “writer’s tan.”

Perspective:
I am going to be saying A LOT of words in the near future. Though I routinely teach thus am no stranger to saying lots of words…these words feel much different and definitely way more loaded. I’m trying not to stress and not to think about/make these words defining me words but yeah…it’s daunting and I’m intimidated.

Tomorrow:

  • Maybe go skiing.
  • Definitely go see some art.
  • Oh, and talk the words…lots of times.

day 5 (of 20)

April 6, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

Products:

  • Completed script 1.0 and here it is: Proposal_Outline_030517!; Major celebrating ensues (*major celebrating is defined as going to sleep without an alarm set) 
  • Set a practice date for presenting to the cohort (7 days away!) as well as to the research lab (14 days away!) 

Process:

  • Mostly more of the same not-so-glamorous copy/paste and tweak and move and write and delete and re-write. I think it all makes sense in overall flow but will most likely run it through the post-it note wall test tomorrow to see how it all maps out.

Perspective:
Today there continues to be the  “are you excited?” and “how do you feel about it all?” questions thrown my way. Though I made up situationally appropriate responses each time, at the moment I honestly feel nothing which is nice. If I prod a bit I am pretty sure I can stir up some feels but at the moment…I think I’m totally good with blank.

Tomorrow:

  • (Maybe) map all the words out to check flow
  • Begin working on layout
  • Talk the words four times

day 4 (of 20)

April 5, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

Products:

  • Added to script 1.0. I’m up to methodology in content and over ten minutes in spoken length so I think it’s trucking along at a good pace. I’m a bit stuck with some transitions i.e. how I can be truly convincing that the narrative that I am weaving together is logical and not requiring my audience to enter Lisa-reality to understand. I think its important I begin talking this to actual humans sooner than later to gauge reaction.

Process:
Process is so so so unsexy at times. Basically today it’s wearing pajamas, slouched over a laptop and read through my big proposal, my initial preview presentation, and assorted blog posts I’ve written along the way to copy/paste/reconfigure elements. This process feels way more like weaving together or compositing something from found objects rather than creating something fully new. It’s an interesting feeling of word and idea assemblage. I’m not sick of the ideas yet (which is good).

Perspective:
It still feels deeply surreal that I defend in such a short time. The cohort’s been sending me encouraging notes and being generally ridiculously supportive. It’s so nice to submerge in their assurance. That said I can’t help but shake the feeling that I’m headed into some sort of initiation rite and while it’s not spending a summer alone in the woods or fighting a bear it is something that’s going to be a massive milestone and also something that on some level I must do alone. Hearing stories of other people’s experiences is one thing…engaging in the experience in my own skin feels a million times more vivid. This is the season where I simultaneously want to be present/process everything and also often want nothing more than to have it all be over and feel nothing. I think my challenge is to stay in the now and just keep chipping away and getting a tiny bit stronger and less afraid each day.

Tomorrow:

  • For real, finish script 1.0

day 3 (of 20)

April 4, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

studiosarecomplex

Products:

  • Created a super basic chart about studios and the part of the trifecta that I think my work is tackling. Basically studio learning seems like it traditionally has established methods, an established space, and an established human and all the learners are swept up in this kind of three part experience. My research questions exactly what is meant by “space” in the whole scheme and I’m coming from a somewhat (okay…completely) biased place that thinks we should create a broader definition and see what is possible if we push on and push out the walls (haha) a bit.
  • Decided that if content is in fact Queen…trying to develop the visuals for a presentation first probably isn’t the best idea. So in light of that…today I began writing “Words to Talk” otherwise known as the script that will guide this whole soiree. Long live the Queen. You can read it here: Proposal_Outline_030417 (*Disclaimer: first time compiling in Scrivener so it feels a little weird in layout…or maybe it’s just because American Typewriter came as default and though I never use it in real life because I’m probably just too snobby about analog reproduction stuff, I’m totally digging it here.)


Process:

  • Today was about consciously making myself sit with these ideas and wrestle a bit so the words would situate themselves into the right spaces. Though I was almost as squirmy as the words and ideas, I’m glad I made myself stick with it because it is slowly building and holding together.


Perspective:

  • I’m less scared today. And I’m one million percent certain that this check in with myself was a good thing to start because it gives me a focus that’s way more productive than craft beer, HGTV, or re-reading Harry Potter books.


Tomorrow: 

  • Continue (hopefully finish) script 1.0

day 2 (of 20)

April 3, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

Products:

  • Created a prelim slide flow with educated guesses as to what will go where and why.

Process:

  • Took a very long walk and tried to think of good visual metaphors for transient spaces that might guide the overall design of the presentation. So far inspirations include: air plants (no roots!), rock climbing (ever changing topography calls for ever nimble response!), and points on a map (movement and networks!) but I’m still too in love with the look + feel of my initial presentation to make a logical design decision.

Perspective:

  • I’m thinking this writing every day idea was a stupid idea because so much of process is mulling ideas while doing other stuff. Or perhaps…the weekend won (as it always should). Anyways…tomorrow is a new day.

day 1 (of 20)

April 1, 2017

lisa hammershaimb

Today marks twenty days until I formally defend my dissertation proposal (April 21!!!)

Today also marks the first day of a new month and the somewhat recent beginning of a new season here in the northern hemisphere. The freshness of new and the round number of days until the “big day” clearly means I’d forever regret not starting a twenty day writing challenge (or at least…on the first day this seems like a good idea.)

In all seriousness, this feels like an important season in the long, liminal space of being a doctoral student. I feel I’m maybe on the brink of the next step (which I fully cannot imagine) and though I’m trying my best to be present in the moment…the emotions are running high and the days are far from being well curated mindful polaroids. I think if I don’t consciously leave some sort of trace—engage in some list making and reflection, I’ll lose some this season in a blur of just trying to stay afloat.

The Challenge:
500 words max each day outlining + updating the following:
1. Products
2. Process
3. Perspective

Oh, of course use Scrivener to compose all of the above because nothing like learning via blogging! And to Dr. Lisa of the future…I hope you are smiling as you reflect back on these salad days. : )


DAY 1
Products:

  • Further refined the presentation outline. With 14 sections and 20 minutes max things are looking good.
  • Began brainstorming a graphical model of traditional F2F studio pedagogy and studio learning in a more open/less transmissive space to show visually my study focus. Hopefully this will not “lull” (*committee member’s word) audience into thinking I’m going full online only to bait and switch that I’m actually more curious about the deviant motivations + behaviors of educators who have ever reason to go full traditional but choose to augment + expand their studio spaces vie the internet.
  • Added paragraph to the proposal on tacit knowledge a la Polanyi to Ch. 1 (fully aware no one will see this until post defense but still…good to put it in while its fresh in my head)

Process:

  • Bulked up on McLuhan reading…pretty sure he can get a passing reference and add “gravitas” (*committee member’s word) in the “Problem Statement” zone with his message + medium thinking re: interaction and spaces and pedagogy and medium
  • Summarized Polyani’s ideas to a cohort mate and now feel 30% more confident in his thinking re:tacit knowledge (bonus: told my parents too…now we’re all way more aware of the tacit knowledge sprinkled through our day…which might make it less tacit…hmmm….)
  • Began scouting out blended/hybrid lit to possibly incorporate into the lit review per committee feedback
  • Began trying to detangle “New Media” per committee feedback (spoiler alert: it feels super opaque and gimmicky but trying to keep an open mind) 

Perspective:

  • Realized this morning while running that I’ve already presented to two of my committee members on these ideas and I’ve lived through it (they might have even actually liked and been interested and encouraging in my ideas…shocking, eh?). Also, I’ve gotten over being scared of my supervisor so in all honesty, I probably don’t need to use mental effort to make up and play out scary stories of insecurity about what’s going to happen and if I will live. I could make up scary stories of insecurity about my external but as I’m still filled with warm fuzzies that he did in fact accept being my external, imagining him as anything but benevolent feels wrong. This all sounds quite silly when its written but it did feel like a giant exhale to realize…like maybe this whole thing will be okay after all.

Tomorrow: 

  • Read blended/hybrid lit to see if it’s necessary or just a rabbit hole
  • Read New Media lit with a consciously nonjudgmental attitude to see if it’s necessary/beneficial to my overall narrative
  • Slide Design 1.0
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