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day 18 (of 20)

April 19, 2017

lisa hammershaimb


  • Another day, another practice run (or actually many many practice runs but…just one recording.)
  • More answers to questions that may or may not be asked
  • Many more deep breadths
  • Printed out all 82 pages of the proposal in case someone wants to reference a specific section and I need to do some quick scanning (because clearly 82 pages and swiftness go hand in hand!)

Not much new stuff to report. I am getting slightly better at not thinking panicked, irrational thoughts whilst in the early stages of the presentation but still tend to think around slide 13/14 that time has basically stopped and slide 41 will never arrive. Actually, I think I might just be getting better at ignoring said panicked, irrational thoughts. Tomorrow’s the double feature practice run with presenting to both the research lab and 806 so hopefully by tomorrow at this time I’ll be completely confident, and psyched-up-yet-relaxed leading up to Friday.

I got the “official” letter today outlining the process for Friday including timing, expectations, etc. It’s crazy to think that about a month and a half ago I was consumed with the angst of not having an external and could not imagine both having an external and being just a couple days from the main event. Though I would not wish the stress of this past season on anyone, looking back I think the ways it broke me were almost catalytic in the growth that I know is happening to me as I begin to build the “what’s next” bit of whatever the new season might bring.

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